Staying up until 4am is not okay with my body anymore.
It was worth it though. I love working at the bar.
One of my favorite parts of the night was when someone told me to stop smiling so much. I didn't realize I was.
That was a good feeling.
Another great moment was when an old boss of mine told me I look exactly the same. (I worked for him 15 years ago.) Riiight. I'm sure, but whatever. I'll take that!
And I love being able to cut up with good friends. Laughter. Lots of it. So many people came out. Good to see everyone. The bands weren't bad either!
Because of my little aches and pains (caused by 12 hours of non stop movement) and lack of sleep, pretty much everything I had planned for today ended up being canceled. Audrey had a bit of a bug, as well. So, we all camped out on the couch.
Such a lazy day.
We watched Puss and Boots. Slept a little. Watched Hugo. Slept a little. Snacked. Played outside for a spell. Grew some crystals. Watched Hugo, again. Went to bed.
At the beginning of the year, I required my photo students to write 100 things about themselves to use as assignment prompts. They've since asked me for mine. I promised them I'd look for the one I did years ago. I found it. Honestly, it was surreal to read back over these, seven years later. Some of these numbers no longer apply, but for the sake of history, I'll leave them unedited.
Enjoy. I wonder how many of you will make it all the way to 100.
100 Things About Me
My Dad wanted to name me Pi.
I drank a cup of bleach when I was two. My parents never thought I would talk again.
I can do your tarot card reading.
Cheerios is the only cereal I eat.
I hate the person who invented glitter.
My favorite artist is Egon Schiele. I wish I could have met him.
All of my life, I have secretly desired to see a ghost.
Every cat I’ve ever owned I’ve named Kitty.
I once stuck my finger in a light socket and was electrocuted.
I won’t eat popcorn.
I have been inside the engine of a freight train and shook hands with the conductor. His name was Ron. “R-O-N, Ron.” He took us across a bridge and back.
My favorite retreat is the shower.
I once took such a long shower that my Dad turned off the hot water heater to force me out.
I met my future husband in middle school. I never thought I’d marry him.
According to my husband, the phrase that most comes out of my mouth is, “I’m tired.”
I wish the phrase that most came out of my mouth were something more interesting.
Sweet tea is my addiction.
I am attracted to spherical objects like globes, marbles and glass paperweights.
I am equally attracted to boxes. Especially old ones and tin ones.
I collect $2 bills.
I also collect Thermos canisters, old fans, old radios and old phones, but not so much anymore.
I have never thrown away a postcard or a letter I’ve gotten in the mail.
Greeting cards I don’t keep unless they are extra special or sentimental.
My favorite number is 15, but I couldn’t tell you why.
I like to stay up late.
I like to open the windows when it’s raining.
I would rather have the windows rolled down in the car than have the AC on.
All of my life, I’ve fought with my younger sister. I wonder if we will ever stop competing.
Some of my most treasured items are old photos of my parents.
My handwriting always changes, depending on my mood.
Churches make me uncomfortable and nauseous.
Halloween is my favorite holiday.
Once, while living in Athens, a trick-or-treater fell through our front porch. She wasn’t even wearing a costume.
I like to pick zits and pluck hairs.
One time I pulled/ plucked out all of my eyelashes. I looked like a lizard. They grew back.
I still regularly pluck out my gray hairs.
I beg Tim to tickle my back almost every night before we go to bed.
I love to garden.
I used to hate dogs, but now I love them.
Pineapple is my favorite fruit. Then strawberries, then raspberries, then apples.
I love the beach, but I am too scared to swim in the ocean.
The farthest place I’ve traveled is to Paris.
I hate that we have a TV in our bedroom.
I fall asleep best when it’s silent- no fan, no TV, no humming of a computer.
Knitting has become a favorite hobby.
I used to paint a lot. I hate it that I don’t paint anymore.
I am terrified of spiders.
Elvis married us in Las Vegas.
Our limo got a flat tire on the way to the chapel. And our photographer was drunk.
I was the skinniest I’ve ever been right before I got pregnant.
I have always envisioned myself living in an old farmhouse with high ceilings and a wrap-around porch.
The only person I’ve ever punched is my little sister. I drew blood.
I love bloopers shows.
I cry a lot.
When I was in the 4th grade, I asked for a Webster’s Un-Abridged Dictionary as a birthday present.
I bought a motorcycle, rode it twice and then sold it. It was too scary.
I have never in my life had a birthday party.
I am horrific with directions. Thank God for Mapquest.
I would not consider myself a religious person, but I would consider myself a spiritual person. (But not in that hippy weird kind of way)
I think food tastes better when someone else makes it for you.
I like to throw parties.
I could live off of bread, cheese and chocolate.
My favorite song of all times is “The Twelfth of Never” by Nina Simone.
There are only 2 songs I sing in the shower: “The Twelfth of Never” and “Black Boys on Mopeds” by Sinead O’Conner.
I have already written out what I am going to say at my father’s funeral and have given it to him
My all-time favorite movie is “Wings of Desire” by Wim Wenders.
I have a guitar, and know how to play a little, but would like to take lessons so that I could be really good some day.
I love to play board games, cards, and sports but never get to because Tim HATES all of those things!
I’d like to go to the west coast some day.
Tim says that I, without fail, manage to pick out the most expensive things in stores. He says the price goes up as soon as I reach for it.
Butterflies make me smile.
My grandfather told me once that if a butterfly lands on you, it’s an old friend that’s come to say, “Hi.”
One of the coolest things I’ve ever done is sneak out onto the roof of an Atlanta skyscraper and lean out over the edge. It was amazing and exhilarating.
I’m not a pajama wearing person. I sleep in t-shirts.
I’m the only person I know that doesn’t have their ears pierced.
It feels funny to go to sleep without a dog lying up against me.
I would rather sleep in my own bed than anywhere else.
I hate taking any kind of medicine. Tim has to force me to take it when I’m sick.
I would try acupuncture in a second.
I was an All-State softball third-baseman. (Not many people know that due to the butch comments that inevitably follow.)
I’m tired of living in a neighborhood where I hear gunshots in the middle of the night.
If I didn’t love my family so much I would convince Tim to move to another country.
My very first memory is of me standing on a chair near the stove watching my father make pancakes in the shapes of animals.
I asked my father recently if he knew what my very first memory was, and amazingly, he did.
I think my mother is the best cook EVER.
I talk to my mother almost every other day and have ever since I left her house.
I’ve never met anyone that has the same birthday as me.
I used to do the crossword puzzle religiously, but now I don’t because we don’t get the paper.
I think cookies should be chewy, not crunchy.
The Fox Theater is one of my favorite places to go. I love to look at the ceiling.
I love to sit around a bon-fire.
I think one of the most attractive things about Tim is his veiny hands and arms.
The first night that Tim and I shared the same bed, we woke up holding hands.
I have a double-jointed pinky finger
It’s much harder for me to be friends with women than men.
I bruise very easily. Touch me and I bruise.
I have very good yard ethic and enjoy landscaping.
When Tim and I started dating, we made a list of all of the things we want to do together.
I hope that we will be able to mark every single item off of that very long list. That would be cool.
It was much harder than I thought it would be to come up with 100 things about myself.
Call me crazy. I believe in chance and happenstance. I believe complete strangers can double as fortune cookies and friends check up on you, seemingly out of the blue, at the exact moment you need them.
These types of things have been happening to me for the past two months.
Call me crazy. These serendipitous situations, they are keeping me from coming undone.
Right now, for me, it's all about finding distractions.
Instead of playing online Scrabble or having facebook pity parties with pals miles away, I decided to take some pictures tonight. (My dad will enjoy that childhood reference.) Anyway, I guess I'm trying to slowly get back into the blog thing because, well, I miss it. Besides, Harper will be mad if Audrey is the only one with funny stories.
Tonight, while watching Shrek for the thousandth time, Harper waltzes out into the living room in her prettiest princess dress. It was a sight, but only because she had strategically pulled down the front of the dress to reveal her baby boobies (as we like to call them). She asked, very royally, "Muhthuh, How do I look?" I took her in for a moment and said smugly, "Pull up your dress."
She didn't even look at me, but held her gaze straight forward and repeated, "I asked you: Muthuh, How do I look?" I buckled and softly said, "You look very pretty." "Well, then. I look pretty. So, I don't have to pull up my dress." She turned and walked away demonstrating just as much attitude with her tiny staccato steps.
I wonder if you can make some characterizing correlation between people that prefer rainbows over people that prefer shooting stars. I love a good rainbow, but for me, a shooting star is a much more profound occurrence.
Either way, I should look to the skies more often.
After solidifying our Spring Break plans last night, all curled up next to me, Audrey says, “I’m going to dream about our beach condo. I’m so excited!”
“Me too.” I whisper.
“How much will it cost… a lot?” she asks.
“You let me worry about that.” I say.
“Well, if you need to, you can borrow some money from my piggy bank.”
She pulls the covers up to her chin and gives finality to the conversation by rolling over onto her side with a sigh.
I lean over her, stare at her beautiful sleepy mind, brush her hair from her forehead and tell her I love her.
After three of the busiest months of my life, I am finally taking time to breathe again. And guess what that means? More pictures of MY kids and MY family! I joke, but I think they're happy to have me back after such a long stint. I think that because there were no complaints about me toting my camera around yesterday. No shying away. Lots of smiling on command. In fact, Audrey even set up her own shots. She's a pretty good creative director. It was great.
I missed taking pictures of my girls.
They are the two busiest girls in the world. They never stop talking, moving, making or messing. They can literally tear the house apart in a matter of minutes. I swear. Case in point: This past weekend, Tim and I started cleaning the house after taking down the tree. We cleaned the living room and moved on into the kitchen. By the time the kitchen was spic and span, we walked back into the living room... it was trashed! Trashed!
I don't really have anything important or profound to say. I'm just glad to be adopting a slower, more relaxed pace.
She's as wild as the hair about her head. Every day is full of surprises. I sometimes can't wrap my head around the words that come from her perfectly shaped mouth. I have to remind myself that she's only two and a half.
When she's tired her hands always reach for my hair. She hums. If I'm lucky, she plants a big, wonderful, sincere kiss on my lips while she cradles my chin in her chubby palms. "My Enchila" she calls me. (My Angela, to you.)
I mostly love the songs she makes up while playing alone. And she's already making up her own words. Imparpable: "When it's dark and then the sun's coming up."
She makes all of us laugh, especially her Sissy. They love each other. I had to stop myself today. I looked over and thought they were wrestling and picking at each other. I was about to snap at them and pull them apart , discipline them, when I realized they were having a Love Fest. Who in their right mind would break that up?
Harper is my Snuggler.
Life with you, Harper, is gonna be one helluva ride. Always looking forward, never looking back.
I’m doing this for me mostly, but I’m also doing this for you. You might enjoy reading this while you’re housebound andbored out of your mind
Tuesday Night (I get the call)
Tim and I were sitting in the living room, him watching TV and me on the computer as usual.
Mom called and somehow managed to say your name, slowly,in choked-up syllables. That’s all she got out before I thought the worst and in denial kept repeating, “What? What? No. No. No.” And was somewhat relieved when she finally managed to finish her sentence, telling me that you’d had a seizure.
I made her give the phone to dad. I knew I’d get some details from him. And I did.
I was told you had walked into your patient’s room and collapsed, having a seizure. The patient, luckily called 911. (Later, we found out that it didn’t happen quite like that.) When I first heard the word “stroke”, that’s when I began to get upset again. “What do you mean she had a stroke? She’s 46!” No one was sure if you were conscious or speaking or moving your limbs. I wanted to know everything. I wanted to know if you were okay.
I told them to call me back when they found out more.
I was mostly in shock after getting off the phone. I couldn’t quite wrap my head around it. Tim kept reassuring me that you can fully recover from a stroke. So, I googled and googled and was still googling when I got the second phone call. Before you were to be life-lined to St Vincent, you suffered another seizure.
I went ballistic. I immediately began booking a flight. I debated on jumping in the car and driving up. Then, I slowed my thoughts and called mom and Kelli and we all decided to fly up together. I remember talking to Bryan at some point and then throwing almost everything I owned into a bag. All the while, refusing to accept that this horrible, terrible, unthinkable thing happened to you. I took a shower and then slept on the couch for a few hours before picking up mom to head to the airport where we met Kelli.
I know it might have been too much, all of us coming up. I know we might have jumped the gun, but Julie, I never ever would have forgiven myself if your situation had worsened and I did not get the chance to see you. Just the thought of it…it’s too much to imagine.
I could not bare the thought of losing the one person I’ve forever idolized and loved unconditionally. Not you. Not my Juwee.
Wednesday Morning (I got to see you)
Bryan picked us up outside baggage claim. The cloud of worry was very thick on that long car ride to the hospital.
At this point, we knew you could move your arms and legs and could make sounds. When we got to the hospital I was almost too scared to see you. It was hard. I was so incredibly saddened by your condition but thankful that you were seemingly getting the rest you so very much needed.
I remember sitting in your room, all alone, just watching you sleep.
I felt helpless. I wanted to touch you. I wanted to stand up and just wrap my arms around you and all of your protruding tubes. I was close to you but I wanted to be closer.
I wish I’d continued to write this while I was in Indiana. So much of it is a blur now but I remember feeling frightened that Wednesday. You seemed so despondent, so not there. Although you would look at me, it was almost as if you were looking right through me. My stomach turned with worry. And even though you smiled at me, you were smiling at everyone and to everything that was said. So, I thought it might be a sign of uneasiness rather than genuine emotion.
It’s important to mention that almost 20 family members and friends came to visit you Wednesday evening. I knew it was too much for you. I knew you were exhausted. I felt guilty, even, for being there. We all just wanted to connect with you again, to hear our voice and see that bright, energetic face.
That night, I fell asleep wishing, hoping, longing for you to be more like yourself. I wanted your brain to just get better over night.
Thursday (I held your hand for a very long time)
I was very hesitant to go into your room that morning. I wanted to give you your space after Wednesday night. I was most afraid that you wouldn’t recognize me. I guess I was still in denial. I spent most of the morning in the waiting room and made you this because I didn't really know what else to do.
Thursday, Thursday was a great day. When I finally entered your room you looked happy to see me, like you really saw me. You were talking and even exhibiting your natural, normal movements- like the repetitive upward sweeping movement you make with your handwhen brushing your hair away from your face. It’s one of the characteristics I most associate with you. It made me grin from ear to ear to see it, again.
You were also speaking so well. It was slow, labored speech but hey, those were words I could understand and they made sense! You were 100 times better than Wednesday. Unbelievable. The brain. Your brain. Just unbelievable.
I remember the OT coming in to ask you questions (or maybe she was the speech therapist, I’m not quite sure). After asking you what year it was you said, “Two-thousand and one.” I remember hanging my head just as you added “…..zero” to the end. We all shared a good laugh and I thought that was interesting- the way your brain processed the year in numbers. Another funny thing you said: The nurse asked you “Who’s the President?” You answered, “Obama.” She then asked, “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” You said, “I plead the Fifth.”
I mean, how is it that you’re cracking jokes at a time like this?! I love you.
You were still mixing up your left and right a little bit and the nurse noticed that your pupils weren’t dilating like they should.
The OT or speech therapist also had you draw a picture. She asked you to draw a clock. You did that perfectly.
I was amazed that you put the numbers in all the right places and you spaced them equally. It was a beautiful clock. You also added the arms. The therapist asked you, “What time does that clock say?” You answered by writing “1-12”. And I knew what you were thinking. I said, “She’s saying she wrote the numbers 1-12.” The therapist said, “Yes. You wrote 1-12, but what time is it?”
You wrote down 12:55. You were a little off.
Later on that night, I was showing someone in your room (I can’t remember who) your clock and explaining to them what you did. I held it up in front of you and asked you again, “What time is it?” And you said three o’ clock. You were right! I remember thinking, “Yes! Hell yeah!”
Go Julie.
The best part of Thursday was sitting next to you and holding your hand while listening to you struggle to carry on conversations. I felt like I was sending my energy to you through touch (I know, I sound silly or something, but I really felt that way).
By the end of the night, you were still having trouble finishing your sentences. You would often have incomplete thoughts, trailing off and ending with a smile and a somewhat vacant look. Even so, the amount of function you’d recovered and how quickly.. I was so impressed and proud of your strength.
I still desired one of our typical conversations. And although I knew you were probably tiring quickly of all the questions, I kept asking them in hopes that you would just begin to talk my ear off. (Because, you know, that’s how it normally goes: You get 30 minutes, I get my 30 minutes and then, inevitably one of our phones will go dead.)
I hope to have that again with you someday soon.
I will keep your clock drawing for as long as I live. It will always remind me of this time, of time in general: how important it is, how it can fly by all too quickly if you let it or slow down so slow that you don’t think you’ll ever catch up with reality. One thing’s for sure, Time is on your side Julie. You had great timing. You really did.
Friday Morning ( Goodbye for now)
Chuck took Kelli to the airport bright and early. Mom and I got to stay a few hours longer. It was 6am when we got to the hospital. Mom was itchin’ to see you. Again, I was a little apprehensive. We initially went back to peek in on you and ask the nurses if they’d seen mom’s pill case (which she somehow lost). You were sleeping soundly. Mom followed me back to the waiting room but shortly thereafter said she was going back into your room. I wasn’t going to have any part in waking you up. You know how much I hate to be woken up in the morning!
I gave mom a half hour alone with you and then went back to see you myself.
I was thrilled. You looked fantastic. I was giddy and so happy that we’d decided to hang back for a few more hours before heading to the airport. It was so worth it.
When it came time to leave I couldn’t hold back the tears. I wasn’t ready to go.
I gave everyone hugs and then returned my attention to you, sitting up in your chair, and finally got to wrap my arms around you.
It was hard to leave you.
And it’s still hard to be away.
I love you. You’re doing great. You’re doing better than great. You are an amazing person and I can’t imagine life without you. You’re gonna be just fine. I hope you know that.
I am intrigued by Autism. I am even more intrigued by people that do not engage with children or are scared and tend ignore children with Autism. It's just a label folks. Take that label away and you have just a kid. All kids are approachable and responsive if you find a way in. Children with Autism are a little more sensitive, a little more apprehensive about socializing and a little more passionate about specific things. I'm no expert on Autism, but like I said I'm definitely intrigued by it. I'm curious as to why more males are stricken with it, why there are more diagnoses today (a lot more) and how many several different spin-offs of Autism exist: Hyperlexia, Pervasive Developmental Disorder and Asbergers Syndrome just to name a few. The spectrum is so broad the signs so vague in some instances. For example, sometimes these disorders are defined by a passion for a certain things to the point of being obsessive about it- dinosaurs, trains or numbers or anything really but why do some children become obsessed and passionate about one thing and not another? Also the physical characteristics- funny finger movements/folding or hand flapping, toe-walking... what causes that behavior? Some children are described as having learning disorders but then others can be savants and have an incredible understanding of language and even know how to read very early on. Oh, and the eating habits! One Autistic adult divulged that he loves to eat whole onions like they're apples. One parent said her child's therapist told her that it usually takes introducing a new food 100 times before a kid with Autism will try it. 100 times! How can the spectrum be so wide in regards to the symptoms? I find it all so very interesting. The most perplexing though is, why does it affect mostly males? 4 times more males than females.
Sigh. The brain, our bodies, our coping mechanisms... all so very interesting.
Maybe I should've been a neurologist.
With that being said, I was a little terrified to meet my client. I was gently forewarned several times before going on this shoot that he might not be receptive to me. He might not want to have his picture taken. He might not let me take his picture at all.
There's always a way in folks. And had I not been clued-in.... I never would've known of his disorder. I never would have suspected. Not social? We talked the entire time I was there. Not responsive? Hey, I got smiles. I got lots of smiles, even some laughs.
I did have a tip though, and I brought a sticker book for back up.
I didn't need it. But it did make a nice parting gift.
Oh, these girls. These girls tug at my heart strings. It's always such a treat to visit the Miller house. This is a mom with such a big heart, tremendous patience and such a positive personality! It rubs off on me every time I visit. Tu-tus and duckies always make for a good time.
Well, this was past due seeing as Harper had outsmarted her crib a little over a month ago.
She was not sad to see her crib go down. She has not asked for it back. As a matter of fact, after Tim had taken it apart and propped up against the wall Harper walked over to it, rested her hand upon the sideways turned head of the crib and said, "Bye-Bye Crib." She lingered there for only a minute before she said, "HELLLLLOOOO BIG GIRL BED!" and dove into the cute little toddler-sized platform bed that her dad made just for her. I thought it sweet for her to acknowledge her long term relationship with her crib and give it a much deserved farewell. Audrey helped her break in the new sleeping grounds. This picture is the very first moment in her bed. Look how excited she is! She kept clapping- she was so happy. Serious excitement. She is so proud to be more like a big girl. Now, if we could just get her on board with the potty training bit. She's so stubborn about it. And I have to say, I was really worried about this backfiring on us. Much to my surprise, she stayed in it last night (only fell out once) and then ended up waking at 4am to crawl into bed with us (as usual). We haven't had to do the "Get back in bed!" thing at all (yet). And since Audrey is away for a week, I think the transition will go more smoothly. We can just focus on Harps.
I had to sneak in there tonight and grab one picture. She initially fell asleep with both hands behind her head. As you can see, one hand moved in order to touch the sippy cup. She loves her ice cold milk. *Every drink is referred to as "ice cold". Oh, and Stripey. Stripey's the bunny. She promised Audrey that she would sleep with it and protect it from the dogs. She held up to her promise, Audrey. You'd be so proud.
Other things Harper is doing: She has learned to give the "Thumbs Up!" sign. She's mastered the cool trick of balancing a spoon on her nose. (I'm going to have to video this. It's hysterically funny.) She can put her own shoes on. She is talking our heads off! She buckles herself in the car seat. Pretty soon she'll be ruling the world.
And yes, I'm a little saddened by the fact that my kids are growing up so quickly. But Harper, even more-so than Audrey at this age, cannot wait to be a big girl. So, I'm going to embrace that and not hold her back... as hard as it may be at times.
Well, this woman never ceases to amaze me. I'm betting she can do absolutely anything she envisions in that unbelievably creative head of hers. I'm sure you recall her super cute offspring from a recent session-
Well, as a thank you, Tracy sent me an incredible package full of things I love! She also included Henry's birth announcement because she remembered I'd said that I would love to see it someday. It's definitely the coolest baby announcement I've ever seen. The envelope: Sewn with orange thread! Love that. When you open it up you get two separate, equally stunning cards: The card stock is quality and it's embossed, of course. I simply love her retro/vintage designs. And look.... more! Did I mention she's crafty? Look! Look! Look! Her thank you card: How'd she know I'm a fan of the mustachio? And this pendant?! How cool is this? I can't even begin to know how she made this: I cannot wait to wear that. And then, if that wasn't enough... Xmas ornaments, too? Can you imagine my glee? My surprise at the uber coolness of these gifts? Show Tracy some love. She's incredible. The talent just flows from her fingers. Check out her design skills, have her build you a website or buy one of her paintings!
